Broken Poetry

When you think someone hates you, just stay silent. S/he would not do any step to initiate a conversation anyway, much less yourself. The simplest thing to do is to walk like a cloud. As William Wordsworth puts it, "I wander lonely as a cloud." Philosophize like that. Your world is all yours. No matter what happens, stay silent, stay silent.

There are possibilities that you will endure slight humiliations upon staying silent. Swallow them all. If you can do that, then you win the silent war. Use silence as a weapon. Do not let him/her stab you with his/her sinister dagger. S/he would do anything to destroy you–like the September 11 World Trade Center tragedy–a bitter destiny.

But there is a huge paradox. When you feel that you wouldn’t win the war, write a letter. Be sincere. Tell him/her what you really feel about him/her. Do not let him/her guess your reactions after s/he has read your letter. Stay silent as ever.

Let fate intercede, or pray that s/he wouldn’t hurt you violently. Sing a song while passing by his/her place. Walk like a cloud. Walk like you have never walked before. Maintain a consistent pace–not so fast, not so slow. Just feel like you are in heaven–everybody is looking up to you.

But always look down.

Looking down will make you comfortable. Pretend you are blind even your eyes are open. Do you remember what you have learned from the Bible? Your pair of eyes is the light of your body–which is the temple of the Holy Ghost?

This will be a bloody war. You will be an assassin. You can drop a bomb and turn everything into the smallest atom (if there is any). And then, put things back to their places altogether. Mix everybody’s feelings.

Back to the letter. When you write, be synaesthetic. Do you remember your Creative Writing workshops? Smell to see. See to touch. And touch to hear.

Say that you really did not want to start the war. It just happened. Say you can’t explain what you’d felt about him/her. Say that you are willing to spare him/her your packed lunch your mom prepared. Say it’s very special; and s/he is too.

"Let it be," the Beatles say. Bring everything back to life. Do not lose yourself just by thinking aloud. Think of a way to end the war; this silent war. Not until you consider this as a cold war, you wouldn’t think it’s got to end. Forgive yourself. You are not yourself. Think of another way. Be brave–not like Brave Heart or Lion Heart. Why don’t you try to utter a word? You can say, "Ahem" (chuckle, chuckle) or even whistle. You can PSST too, aimlessly. Let everything flow oblivious of yourself. Do not mind their reactions. Think of what they’re gonna think of you. A big irony, isn’t it? You can eat sampalok afterwards–then spit the seeds near their feet, then say "Oh! I’m really sorry!" Pick the seeds up not too fast, not too slow. Let everything flow like a fall.

You may grit your teeth.

Cest la vie.

Smell your perfume. They might smell you. They are watching you. Close your eyes but open your mind.

Open your heart to the truth.

You are..

alone

but

someone

is

watching

you.